The Best O Face

The phrase: less is more has never been more appropriate than when applied to category romances.  The books that do not stick to this principal either never get published, or if they do they have a genre all of their own - erotica.

Not what I want to write, but each to their own and all that.

Assuring that you don't end up writing Extreme Over The Top Nookie Fests every time your Hero and Heroine feel like a bit of rumpy pumpy is extremely important. 

While I know several couples who have successful 'relationships' based entirely on messing up the sheets, that's not what readers want to read.  They want a journey where two people grow and change and realise that their lives together are so much better than their lives apart but that connection has to be more than just physical - it must be emotional and spiritual and mental as well.

But when they do get around to knocking boots, it needs to be steamy not sleazy.  And as far as I can tell there are a few things that your Hero and Heroine just shouldn't do:

• The Yes Scream - having lived in a few apartments (why are the walls always so thin?) a woman screaming: "Yes.  Yes.  Yes.  YES. YES. YEEEE-EEE-SSSSSS!" does nothing for me.  A man doing the Yes Scream is even tackier.
• The Oh Scream - the rhythm is the same as the Yes Scream; it builds in both crescendo and tempo but it sounds like the woman is surprised every time her partner thrusts.  Makes me want to slap someone.
• The Name Scream - murmuring your partners name a few times while you're getting busy can be really erotic (execpt when it's the wrong name which, trust me, has the totally opposite effect) but when 'Yes' or 'Oh' are replaced with "Nick" or "Stu" or "Phil" it's just cringeworthy.  As a side note, a male who screams out his own name should be pitied (after you've laughed so hard you've fallen off the bed).
• Exploring the karma sutra - although a couple of authors have bravely explored different pozzies, you won't find many Heroes and Heroines enjoying upside down, gravity defying, ankles behind your ears kinda mattress dancing.
• Bringing a battery operated friend to bed - a real Alpha male is the Heroine's own Energiser Bunny - he just keeps going and going and going and........you get the idea.
• Bringing a non-battery operated friend to bed (also known as Taking Britney's Advice) - 2 shall be the optimum number.  End of story.  (If you're wondering about the Britney reference - listen to her song "3" and you'll understand.)
• Kinky - I'm not really sure but I think it's fairly safe to assume that if the Heroine suddenly whips out a dominatrix outfit, a leather whip and the Hero suddenly starts barking like a dog, the reader is going to become very confused.

I'm sure there are lots of other things but I was laughing too hard imagining the things I listed above appearing in a category romance that I couldn't go on.

But to summarise I would like to give a less is more example.  Not from a book (which I know is cheating) but the example is such a good one that I couldn't pass it over.  Check out the link to this clip from The Good Wife.  It's subtle.  It's steamy.  It's passionate.  It's real.  It's Less.  It's More.

It's the best O face I've ever seen.

Where Have You Been?

Ever have one of those friends who just goes MIA without a trace?  And then suddenly one day they're back and expecting it all to be exactly the same as before?

Yes I am talking about me.

Sorry but the last few months of last year knocked me around a bit so I kind of shut down a wee bit and the blog, the writing, the being all seemed a bit too much so I just stopped.  But the funny thing about being a writer, is that you can't just stop.  Even in the middle of my 'yuck episode' I had dreams that I woke up from thinking 'hey that would make a great story'. 

During my 'hiatus' I did a lot of analogising - that's not a real word btw - but it means when you think about lots of things in terms of analogies.  Like: writing is like making risotto.  There's some basic ingredients to risotto but after you've covered those, it's pretty much whatever you want it to be.  You can't just walk away and expect it to take care of itself like a slow cooked casserole.  It needs tending and montoring and constant tweaking and checking of the recipe and tasting and then just before you serve it, you need to add a dob of butter and a great big wodge of parmesan so even when you think it's finished it's not.  And then you have the agonising wait as your guests lift their spoons to their mouths and take that first taste and you wait and wait and wait, trying not to be impatient, for their verdict.  Of course some people like their risotto quite wet while other prefer a more solid dish so you know from the beginning that you're not going to please everyone but maybe there's a chance that you've been able to strike that perfect middle ground or that your version of risotto is so earth shatteringly delicious that you've changed everyone's minds and now the only kind of risotto they like, is yours.

My writing is like risotto.  The yet to be cooked kind.  I got caught up in Christmas preparations and family issues and recovery from New Voices and allowed myself to be wooed away from writing.  They were relevant reasons but if I had been determined to write then they would have been distractions as opposed to handy excuses. 

So I've got a lovely recipe simmering in my head and the two main ingredients are sure to make it a hot and spicy dish.  Hopefully a feast for the eyes.  I'm plotting and planning and itching to start. 

And this time, I'm going to finish.

No Retreat and Baby, No Surrender

Yes I am an unabashed Bruce Springsteen fan.  And I love this song.  RIP Clarence.  But I digress.

So the NV top 21 have been announced.  Yep 21.  Not 20.  And I wasn't on the list - yeah yeah whatever.  I had that gut clenching, light headed disappointment hit me and it held on for about half an hour.  But instead of entertaining thoughts of hanging up my keyboard all I could think of was positives.  Like these:

*Those cheeky monkeys at M&B promise twists to come - and I lurves me a surprise (as long as it doesn't involve amatuer strip tease dancing by drunken boyfriends - seriously guys, please just leave it to the professionals.  It's less embarrassing for both of us that way);
*My Hero (umm no that sounds wrong) my Heroine (no that sounds like she's in one of my books) my Idol (ahhh nope too gushy) Ah I know - my Romance Guru!  My Romance Guru: Maisey Yates didn't get anywhere in the NV equivalent but she regrouped and entered via the slush pile and now she's an uber famous published author/Romance Guru;
*Christmas is only 71 days away.  Now I can hear you asking what does Christmas have to do with me not being on the shortlist.  Quick answer: nothing.  However I am a HUGE fan of Christmas and my sister and I are planning on a day trip to a massive Christmas shop at the end of November and I am super dooper rooper excited about that and then there's Christmas itself - best and quickest cure for any case of the blues;
*And with Christmas just around the corner that means it's time for my annual top-to-bottom-complete-house-clean-up.  I know, I'm sick.  But it was something my Gran did and my Mum still does and I'm a sucker for tradition - we clean everything: curtains, walls, ceilings, carpets, windows, behind fridges etc with Christmas songs playing full bore (my neighbours must hate me).  Anyway that starts on Monday;
*And finally there's my story.  I really like my Hero and heroine (actually I love them) and I want to write their story so I'm going to give myself one day off and I'm holding a Prep Party as opposed to a Pity Party.  Prep as in prepartory - getting ready for writing the rest of the story.  So a few cocktails, lots of chocolate and a bit of Bruce and I'm set for a doozy of a shindig.

Then it will be back to the ms.

And the next one.  And the one after that.  Oh and that other one.  And ......get the idea?  I ain't going nowhere, baby.

No retreat and baby, no surrender!

This Is Me Not Caring

This post is remind myself why I entered NV in the first place.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because I wanted to see if I had improved from this time last year.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because I wanted some feedback on my work.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because getting my writing out there in front of real live breathing people was scary but necessary.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because it was so much fun last year.

So why is it that this little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering: "But you might....".  I mean did Leah Ashton think she was going to win last year?  I know it's not the PC thing to say: "I think my writing is good enough to win" but I think deep in each entrant's heart they harbor the hope that this will happen:

Scene: Inside editors office at M&B HQ.  A group of fabulously gorgeous women in utterly divine shoes and to die-for hair sit around a large highly polished oval table with piles of paper work set neatly in front of them.
Editor 1: How will we ever chose from 1092 entries?
Editor 2: I read so many great entries that my head is spinning.
All: (make agreeing noises)
Editor 3: (Pulls one entry from the pile in front of her)
Cue: Shaft of brilliant sunlight shines through the window and illuminates the papers in her hand.  Celestial music plays loudly.
All: (breathily) Ohhhhhhhhh
Editor 3: I think this is it!  (Turns paper work to camera and we see "Chapter One by Elissa Graham"
All: Raptuous applause

At least I imagine that's what it would be like.  You know, in that deep part of my heart that harbors dreams about Gerard Butler sweeping me off my feet, and how one day I will be able to gush about how much I like excercise and sound convincing (instead of talking through clenched teeth and waiting for lightning to strike), and about Sandra Bullock being my BFF - you know, those dreams.

So, as the time draws near to when the top twenty are going to be announced (24 hours or so) I will read and reread and reread and reread this post to remind myself that I didn't enter with any real expectations of winning but that it would be beyond squealtastic if I did.

Oh and Gerard and Sandy, if you're reading this - contact me and we'll get together and do lunch (and other stuff wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more heh heh).

NB This is not me - just what I would like, deep down in my heart, to look like *sigh*

It Is Done

Okay so I did it.  I bit the literary bullet and now it's done.

It's up there, for all the world to see (and hopefully comment on) and really really hopefully like and super duper hopefully show the M&B people that I have something worthwhile.

But you know what?  Even if I get the same result as last year, I'm good with that.  Because this is all a learning experience and my learning curve in just doing this chapter has been incredibly steep and I'm extra super duper grateful for that.

And I have promised myself that if nothing comes of this competition that I will polish three chapters from another project and send that in by the end of the year and try the slush pile avenue.

So now I guess all I have to say is:

"Hey Gerard!  I'm ready!  Come get me!!!"

So Why Am I Waiting?

Good question.

Divine intervention?  The planets to align?  To win the lottery?  For Gerard Butler to knock on my door and swagger off with me? 

Hmmmm now that last one has its merits but.........

Alas none of these answers is the truth.  The truth is I am waiting to submit my chapter into the New Voices competition because I have a massive case of the 'not readies'.  Not just the oh-I'll-just-nip-to-the-loo-to-put-off-the-ineviatable-for-a-few-minutes type stalling.  Nope.  This is the serious stuff.  The hands-and-feet-gripping-the-doorframe-while-two-big-burly-bald-guys-try-and-pull-you-through type stalling.  This is the big time.

I suppose the next question is: why?

Bear with me here - when I heard that NV was running again I decided this time that I was going to make the most of the four weeks we had to enter, so I could read responses and guage reader's reactions to entries.  I could take advantage of the feedback that the other writers got and apply it to my work.  Imagine my delight when I found out that some of the mentors were commenting.  I was like that sneaky creepy kid in movies, lurking in the shadows, rubbing my hands together in glee at the thought of getting all those free hints and tips.  It was like getting being handed half the answers to a really important test.

But now I'm addicted.  I'm reading comments more than I am the entries (although I am trying to read lots of them too - especially after I read on the Fb site that someone had found a storyline similar to theirs and was now busy rewriting their chapter).  And then M&B unknowingly enabled my addiction further by publishing an ebook: Secrets Uncovered. Blogs, Hints and THE INSIDE SCOOP from M&B editors and authors (capitalisation is mine).  It was like hitting the mother load.

Now I had THE INSIDE SCOOP.  I felt like Charlie when he found that golden ticket in his chocolate bar.  I opened the document and you can't imagine my disappointment when I didn't read:

Dear Elissa,
Here is what you were looking for:
Chapter One: What To Write If You Want Us To Notice You (and maybe ask to see more of your work)
Chapter Two: What To Write If You Want To Make The Top Twenty
Chapter Three: What To Write If You Want To Win
Thank You
Sincerely Yours
The M&B Team

I promise I was just going to read the first chapter.  Instead there was just lots and lots of great information and hints and tips.  Actually now that I come to think of it - kinda exactly what the title suggested was in there.  Utterly fabulous but not what I had hoped for.

I have revised and rewritten and edited and proofed and scrutinised and deconstructed and I still can't say I'm satisfied with a FINAL version.  There's always one more tweak, one word added, one taken away, one substituted for a better one - it never ends.  And this is just the first chapter.

So I guess I'm going to have set a final deadline (confession: it was supposed to be the 27th but then I found out about the ebook but more importantly I began thinking that my chapter didn't have a drop dead gorgeous opening line that would mark it instantly as suitable for the Passion line so I started writing something else..............yes yes I know - forgive me Father for I have sinned *sigh*).  Well I've parked the new book and come back to the original and now I am giving myself one more day.

Tomorrow afternoon is D-Day.  Zero hour.  Da limit.

Maybe waiting for Gerard will be easier .....

True To Your Heart

Hello.  My name is Elissa and I'm addicted to animated movies.

You know the ones that are meant for kids?  The ones that other adults look at you like you're some kind of perve because you turn up to watch it without any kids.  The ones that have the most catchy songs EVAH! and feature the voices of the Hollywood A-List celebs.  The ones you come out of with a huge grin on your face and feel like everything is not so bad in the world and like if you started singing, everyone in the cinema and the shopping mall would start singing and dancing right along with you (well okay that last one was just a thought - I have never actually done that).

So I was reading through Maisey Yates' latest blog about Timing and thinking about when to reveal the backgrounds of my Hero and Heroine and such stuff and one thing that Maisey said that was the aha moment for me.  Now please remember I'm paraphrasing here and you really should do yourself a favour and read ....well all of Maisey's posts actually because she's got a whole heap of solid gold insights for unpublished authors, BUT she said something like: when you reveal things is heavily dependent on the storyline and the characters.

And I started thinking (yes I know: dangerous but it has to be done every now and then) about just how important it is to really know your characters.  It's the difference between the heroine that the reader feels emotionally invested in, even if they don't agree with some of her decisions/actions and the cardboard cut out that personifies all the worst romance tropes. 

I never really understood it when writers would say things like "and then my characters took the story in a whole different direction".  But I think that's when the writer is trying to force a character to a certain point in the story because they have the "story" mapped out and to get the heroine from A to D the writer has planned for her to do X, Y,  Z.  Unfortunately it may not be in the heroine's nature to actually do X, Y, Z - she might be more of a J, K, L sorta gal.  You can't have a fiery, ballsy lady and then all of a sudden she's a simpering weakling unable to do more than sigh and giggle whenever the Hero is around.  I know when my writing starts to become stilted and it gets more difficult to write, it's my intuition telling me I'm forcing my characters in a direction that's not true to them.  True as in kosher - sincere - concordant - authentic.

And that got me thinking of the song True To Your Heart by 98 degrees.  And that got me thinking about the movie Mulan (ah now you see how all this ties into the admission about the Disney films *winks*). 

So I'm going to have another (in the long line of many) looks at my NV entry and make sure that especially as the story evolves into chapter two and the pivotal moment which (I think it was Shirley Jump suggested) should be at the end of chapter three, that my Hero and heroine are being true to their hearts.

And just to get you in the mood (because everyone's day can be made a little better with a bit of Stevie Wonder) take a listen: