Wednesday, October 12, 2011

This Is Me Not Caring

This post is remind myself why I entered NV in the first place.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because I wanted to see if I had improved from this time last year.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because I wanted some feedback on my work.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because getting my writing out there in front of real live breathing people was scary but necessary.

NOT because I thought I would win;
but because it was so much fun last year.

So why is it that this little voice in the back of my head keeps whispering: "But you might....".  I mean did Leah Ashton think she was going to win last year?  I know it's not the PC thing to say: "I think my writing is good enough to win" but I think deep in each entrant's heart they harbor the hope that this will happen:

Scene: Inside editors office at M&B HQ.  A group of fabulously gorgeous women in utterly divine shoes and to die-for hair sit around a large highly polished oval table with piles of paper work set neatly in front of them.
Editor 1: How will we ever chose from 1092 entries?
Editor 2: I read so many great entries that my head is spinning.
All: (make agreeing noises)
Editor 3: (Pulls one entry from the pile in front of her)
Cue: Shaft of brilliant sunlight shines through the window and illuminates the papers in her hand.  Celestial music plays loudly.
All: (breathily) Ohhhhhhhhh
Editor 3: I think this is it!  (Turns paper work to camera and we see "Chapter One by Elissa Graham"
All: Raptuous applause

At least I imagine that's what it would be like.  You know, in that deep part of my heart that harbors dreams about Gerard Butler sweeping me off my feet, and how one day I will be able to gush about how much I like excercise and sound convincing (instead of talking through clenched teeth and waiting for lightning to strike), and about Sandra Bullock being my BFF - you know, those dreams.

So, as the time draws near to when the top twenty are going to be announced (24 hours or so) I will read and reread and reread and reread this post to remind myself that I didn't enter with any real expectations of winning but that it would be beyond squealtastic if I did.

Oh and Gerard and Sandy, if you're reading this - contact me and we'll get together and do lunch (and other stuff wink, wink, nudge, nudge, say no more heh heh).

NB This is not me - just what I would like, deep down in my heart, to look like *sigh*


Leah Ashton said...

Haha, Elissa - great post!

No, I didn't think I would win. I actually thought I hadn't made the Top 10 (I did a blog post at the time) and wasn't even that worried - the sheer number of entries meant it was a comparatively small kick in the guts. I knew I was in good company with the other 810+ who hadn't made it :D

But... I did think my entry had a chance of finalling. It's natural to think "maybe it'll be me..." - I don't think you'd put yourself through the stress of New Voices if you didn't!

So there's a nice contradiction - I was totally shocked to final, and yet a little part of me thought that it might - just might - happen :D

Good luck!!!

Elissa Graham said...

Leah, so nice of you to pop in and incredibly reassuring to know that even the winners have their doubts.

I remember your ecstatic post about winning - and I think I even did a little happy dance that someone I 'knew' had won - but not the one previous to it. I see a visit to your archives in my very near future!

THe odds for winning are even slimmer this year with the huge number of entries but now I don't feel so bad about being a tad egocentric :P