Saturday, March 12, 2011

What's The Deal?

Random things occur to me at the oddest of times.  This is one of them.

Men have A Package.  If you haven't heard of this term before check it out on Urban Dictionary for a full description.

So now we're all on the same page: Men have A Package.  What do women have?

*Cue lightbulb moment for Elissa whilst doing housework and pondering storyline for future book*

Aha.  Women have The Deal. 

And you know what, the cool thing about having The Deal is that it's completely subjective.  If you think what you have is The Deal, then it's The Deal.  And by The Deal I mean the whole boob/butt/leg thing because those are the three main areas men express a preference for.  Women will tell you they're a Hands Girl, or a Butt Girl, or an Eyes Girl. There are Smile Girls and Sense of Humour Girls, Witty Girls and Height Girls.  In fact there are probably just as many Girls as there are attractive features.  But men, they keep it simple:  Boob Man, Butt Man or Leg Man.  The only men who say they are Beautiful Soul Men are being interviewed for a women's magazine or trying to get into your pants!

So back to The Deal.

Women come in all shapes and sizes and The Deal celebrates them all.  But there are people out there who will try and confuse you about The Deal so I have compiled a little cheat sheet for you.  Now you can talk The Deal like a pro and never utter a Deal faux par again.

Sweet Deal: When a gal gets all gussied up for a night out or whatever.
Raw Deal: What you see at a nudist beach.  Or a nightclub.  Or a music video.
Seal The Deal:  What Heidi Klum's husband does.
Deal Breaker: Chocolate.  Donuts.  Deep Fried Mars Bars.  Ice Cream.  Cheesecake.  Fudge.  Alcohol.  Any substance that causes The Deal to lose it's "i-Deal-ness"
Closing The Deal:  What happens when a woman dies.
Deal With (insert name): Doin' the nasty with someone ie Oh I could totally Deal with Pete!
Deal or No Deal: The eternal question that flits through a girl's mind as she contemplates going on a diet/detox/fitness regime
A Better Deal: What a gal has after her diet/detox/fitness regime
Big Deal: A gal who believes her Deal is "da bomb" ie Listen here, Mr Clooney, I'm a Big Deal! or Get your act together Georgie or you'll lose the Biggest Deal of your life!
Deal Finder: A man.
A Done Deal: An overly tanned woman.
Cut a Deal: What plastic surgeons do for a living.
Dirty Deal: 1. A woman who desperately needs a shower, or
                    2. A gal who's feeling a bit naughty (reference: Christina Aguilera's song Dirrty)
Package Deal: Do I really need to explain this one?
Square Deal: A nerdy or geeky gal.
Shady Deal: A gal who's had some surgical assistance in improving her Deal.
Blow The Deal: 1. When a guy totally messes up in the process of trying to ask a gal out, or
                           2. Yes.  That.
International Deal: A gal who's not from around here.
Online Deal: A gal who's addicted to her computer (see also Square Deal).
No Deal: A gal with low self-esteem who desperately needs her friends to take her shopping and a night out and convince her she's a Big Deal (see above).

And there you have it.

The Deal.

4 comments:

Maisey said...

Elissa, you are funny beyond reason. ;p What's your deal? XD How 'bout 'Let's Make a Deal' (this is when an Italian hero proposes a marriage of convenience)

Jackie Ashenden said...

LOL!!! Elissa, this is the best list evah! This rates along with boobage!

Lacey Devlin said...

LOL!!!

Elissa Graham said...

Thanks gals - I especially love Maisey's addition. No need to mention I think you are all da bomb as well!